A Survivor’s Tale of Healing & How to End Rape Culture

Maureen was raped by armed robbers at gun point. She assumed that the robbers were there to steal from her and run away but they took much more from her.

What annoyed her the most after the incident was that she was told to be silent, to not tell anyone. This is what motivated her to do more.

In the very year that the rape happened, Demystify Abuse Campaign was born to educate and support survivors of abuse.

In fact, in the very same neighbourhood where her rape occurred, Maureen hosted an event about sexual abuse.

Maureen boldly states ‘‘I decided I was going to use my life as an example for others on how to get to the process of healing.’’

On the 6th of May 2022, I had the pleasure of meeting Maureen virtually through an Instagram Live session I hosted with her about how rape survivors can heal and how to end rape culture in Nigeria.

The details of the interview are below.

Q: Tell us a little bit about your experience/your story?

R: I’m a teacher, a writer, and I have an advocacy initiative for sexual advocacy. I am very interested and passionate about ending sexual violence in Africa.

Everything I do for sexual advocacy is under the umbrella of the ‘‘Demystify Abuse Campaign,’’ which I created shortly after I was raped by armed robbers.

So since I did not die after my rape in 2016, I decided that what is the worst that can happen? I decided to talk about my experience with as many people as I could.

Q: What helped you in your journey of healing and how would you advise other sexual violence survivors?

R: For me to heal, I had to believe that healing is possible. I decided that my rape experience was not the end of my life.

After believing that healing was possible, I had to look out for people who had gone through similar experiences and how it helped them in their journey.

I listened to Joyce Meyer a lot. I read her story and I could see her template.

Also, because I’m a firm believer in God, I dived into the scriptures to see what God had to say about healing and recovery.

Through encouragement from the Bible, I wanted to live a life whereby when people saw me, they wouldn’t be able to place me side by side with someone who had gone through trauma such as rape.

What also helped me in my healing process was the power of speaking up. This is important because what you are quiet about, you won’t be able to heal from.

I intentionally opened up about my experience. I told as many people as possible.

The more I opened up, the more I realized that resources, books and sermons were made available to me.

Speaking up also helped me with my emotions and my mind.

The more I spoke up about the experience, it was like the onion bulbs, the layers of the trauma were disappearing.

In addition, I made sure I did not isolate myself. I spoke to friends and family members. They moved me from one friend to another.

It was important for me to embark on my journey with community, to know others were there to support me.

I also began to create new and fun memories with my friends to make sure that I don’t stay indoors and wallow in self-pity.

Q: How do you deal with the pain of speaking up about the experience?

R: First, you must know that when speaking up, yes the pain will surely surface, but every pain is a message that something is wrong.

That something is amiss. You must always consider what is your pain telling you?

If my pain was leading me to associate negatively with the opposite sex, then I knew that I needed to still soak myself in scripture.

Secondly, know that you can’t deny the pain and experience because then, what are you giving God to heal? The pain is letting you know something is amiss and then you must invite God into the situation.

When I speak up, I see the experience as a way to glorify God for what he has done and how he has brought me to wholeness.

Q: Have you heard of the term rape culture? /How would you describe rape culture in the Nigerian environment/what are the examples?

R: Rape culture would be practices that adopt rape as a normal way of life. In Nigeria and the world, we have a rape culture.

Also, rape culture is a global problem and some challenges that arise are that when you are stigmatized for speaking up, survivors of rape are often looked at in a certain way.

In addition, an annoying definition of rape is that it is ‘’basic sex.’’

That is why conversations we have around rape culture matters.

When we advocate against rape culture, we must take the message down to the grassroots and schools.

There is a lot of work that must be done in terms of education and advocacy around rape.

When educating others, we should let them know that yes, rape culture exists, and you feed it when a young child is raped and you tell them to be quiet.

You feed the rape culture when your husband or wife is an abuser, and you try to hide it and make sure no one hears about it.

You feed the rape culture when you invite a lawyer into the case, and you say that you want to settle this out of court which means you want more money.

What is the money going to do for all the trauma that the child has undergone? Why shouldn’t the abuser go through due process for justice to be served?

Q: What steps can we all take to eradicate rape culture in the Nigerian setting?

R: Until we see the life of an individual as part of the national economy, we won’t do all that we need to do to take this issue as seriously as we should.

We need to see humans as valuable, regardless of how good the person is. Until we see one human life as valuable, we won’t do all that we need to do and thus, keep feeding the rape culture.

For every victim who does not go through healing, we have someone who does not realize their full potential.

Q: I understand that Demystify Abuse is created to help sexual violence survivors heal and to end sexual violence in Nigeria. Let us know more about this organisation/campaign?

R: I started the campaign in 2016 after my personal rape experience but before I was raped at gunpoint, I had gone through sexual abuse from the age of 11–12 and I had since embarked on a journey of healing and recovery.

I wanted to start the advocacy initiative because I realized then that when I told people I was abused, others told of the same experience and saw it as normal, but I knew that it was not normal.

I was ready to start the campaign and then I was raped, and I recognize the incident as the devil trying to stop me from doing what I wanted to do.

Once I recognized what the devil was doing, instead of shutting down, I said that I would feel the pain and then, do it anyway.

I decided that I would push this and do it as fiercely as I could.

I started Demystify Abuse campaign immediately after the rape happened.

Through Demystify Abuse, we visit secondary schools and primary schools to discuss what rape is, how to report it and let others know how to heal from it. I also share my story with others so they know what is possible.

Also, when we go to schools, we go with something to support such as books, stationery items and sanitary pads. We want to back up the message that we care.

In addition, we collaborate with a lot of organisations, one being the International Federation of Women Lawyers (FIDA). We partner with FIDA to give victims a lawyer.

We know a lot of organisations that we can refer one to achieve what must be done.

We not only do outreaches in schools, but we also go to IDP campus, we go to churches and we have positive parenting.

Positive parenting is when we speak to parents about how to be more open and present in the lives of their children so their children can let them know what is going on.

Lastly, I also have a prayer club because I believe that rape has spiritual implications.

If I did not pray and study the Bible, I would not be the person that I am sharing my story with all the audacity that I have.

Through prayer club, we pray for ourselves and survivors on the 16th of every month.

Q: What are your thoughts on the judicial system in Nigeria around sexual violence/does your organisation work with lawyers/how can survivors get justice?

R: I advocate for justice in that through any case I get, I refer them to FIDA, and they take it up from there, but it doesn’t end there.

One of the things that I pay attention to is that abusers are children of God, and they need help too.

I recognize that if you abuse and rape somebody, then you need help.

I am not quick to dismiss others. Yes, abusers should serve justice but there should still be a system of rehabilitation.

I do not give up on the abuser.

Q: What is Your Message to Survivors of Abuse?

R: It is important for you to believe that healing and recovery is possible. It is mental and the mental belief would mean that you should get help through speaking up and therapy.

You also must know that the journey to recovery would not happen overnight. You should still know that healing is possible, and you can enjoy it.

Maureen has a First Aid Guide for Survivors that can be found through the link in her bio: @intentional_maureen

Once again, you can watch the full video of the Instagram live here: Ending Rape Culture in Nigeria.

If someone you know has gone through sexual abuse and assault, kindly share this story with them. God Bless.