It’s nice to have you in my life... I want you to know that I may not always act as I feel. I’ll detach at times. This is not because I don’t love you. I just need my space. I just get scared that it won’t last because I usually worry that I will be disappointed. It’s much easier to depend on myself because I know all of me. You don’t know all of me yet…So I worry that you will see the other parts of me that are uncertain. The other parts of me that are not as strong. The other parts of me that needs to be loved. I worry that you will see all this and it will break the rosy, perfect image you’ve seen in my eyes and my smile. Maybe you will see those imperfect parts of me and then run?
My thoughts say that I will fall, dive deep into my feelings and then I’m left alone… My fears make me remain reclusive. So being with you is quite a challenge because you want me close. You want me to talk more and I rather not. You want me to reveal everything and I rather not. You have to understand that I can’t do that all at once and it doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. I do but I can only give you bits of myself. Let those bits accumulate and eventually, you have all of me… I know you understand this because you are patient.
I just want you to know that I love how you are the only person that I can sit next to and not have to say a word. Do you know how good that makes me feel? The silence is sweet. It’s calming to know that when I’m with you, you just let me be. Even when that letting me be looks lost. You watch me walk up and down staring at lists. You know I agitate over things that are not written down or something missing or something my intuition has told me… Thank God you’re so patient with me. You know me. You just always hold my hand and you take me exactly as I am. I just want you to know that it’s so nice to have you in my life. It’s so nice to be seen so imperfectly yet loved so immensely by you.